Childhood anxiety disorders affect one in every eight children, presenting a common challenge for many families. Despite their prevalence, discussions around anxiety disorders in children are relatively scarce, leaving numerous parents feeling ill-equipped and overwhelmed when raising an anxious child.

According to Tyanna Snider, PsyD, a pediatric psychologist at Nationwide Children’s Hospital, children with anxiety disorders often exhibit clinginess, struggle with independence, and may experience angry outbursts, all of which can have a significant impact on the entire family dynamic. Balancing the need to set boundaries for the child while also validating their emotions poses a tough challenge for parents.

Psychologists emphasize that they frequently assist children with anxiety disorders, and a crucial aspect of treatment involves educating families on how to respond effectively to the symptoms of the condition. While parenting a child with an anxiety disorder is undoubtedly challenging, mental health professionals have identified tools and strategies that can help make life with an anxious child more manageable. Here’s what they advise all parents of children with anxiety disorders to keep in mind.

Anxiety can look like behavioral issues

Tantrums are a typical occurrence among children of a specific age range, but they can also occur in children with anxiety disorders. Thea Gallagher, PsyD, a clinical assistant professor at NYU Langone Health and cohost of the Mind in View podcast, explains that anxiety may present itself as yelling or resistance to certain situations. This can sometimes blur the line between normal behavior and deeper underlying issues.

Tyanna Snider emphasizes the importance of maintaining boundaries and enforcing limits, even when a child’s tantrums are influenced by anxiety. Snider advises against attributing all tantrums solely to anxiety and urges parents to establish clear rules and consequences. Disciplining in a consistent and matter-of-fact manner remains crucial, even in such circumstances.

It’s important to acknowledge your child’s feelings

Izabela Milaniak, PhD, a licensed psychologist at the Anxiety Behaviors Clinic within the Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, emphasizes the importance of validating your child’s emotions when they are upset. She advocates for practicing “developmental empathy,” where parents avoid dismissing their child’s worries, recognizing that these concerns are significant within the child’s world. Milaniak advises against minimizing their feelings with comments like “It’s not a big deal” or “You have nothing to worry about.” Instead, she encourages parents to demonstrate understanding by acknowledging the child’s distress.

For instance, Milaniak suggests saying something like, “I understand that mornings before school are challenging for you. I can see that you’re scared and would prefer to stay home. Sometimes, I feel nervous about going to work too.”

Similarly, Thea Gallagher emphasizes that children’s feelings are always valid, even if parents may not comprehend their source in a given moment. Gallagher highlights the importance of acknowledging the intensity of anxiety and encourages parents to empower their children by discussing strategies to manage their emotions effectively, reclaiming control over their anxiety.

Staying calm is crucial

Maintaining composure during moments of distress with your child is crucial, as Hillary Ammon emphasizes. She acknowledges the challenge of remaining level-headed when faced with a distressed, screaming, or crying child. Thea Gallagher echoes this sentiment, underscoring the significance of staying calm whenever possible.

Gallagher highlights the contagious nature of emotions, pointing out that during a crisis, if one person begins to panic, others may also feel heightened anxiety. She advises seeking support from your child’s therapist for coping tools or considering therapy for yourself if you find it difficult to remain calm when your child is upset. According to Gallagher, maintaining a calm demeanor allows you to guide your child through their options and discuss the choices available to them effectively.

Sometimes you have to let them ride the wave of anxiety

Handling anxiety can be challenging, particularly when a child is highly agitated, as Tyanna Snider explains. She suggests that when a child reaches a peak level of anxiety, sometimes it’s necessary to let them experience and navigate through it.

The approach might involve providing support, such as offering hugs or allowing them space until they can calm down, as suggested by Thea Gallagher. Snider emphasizes the importance of creating a safe environment for the child to express their feelings during moments of distress.

During such times, it can be beneficial to utilize techniques learned in therapy, like deep breathing exercises or counting backwards, to help the child manage their emotions. Snider notes that these strategies can offer temporary distraction, promoting relaxation of the body and calming of the mind.

Don’t completely avoid the things that cause your child’s anxiety

It’s natural for parents to want to shield their children from situations that trigger anxiety, but experts caution that this approach can actually exacerbate the problem. Izabela Milaniak, PhD, from the Anxiety Behaviors Clinic at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, explains that avoidance is a key factor in the development and perpetuation of anxiety symptoms. Over time, repeated avoidance can lead to entrenched patterns of behavior, such as avoiding school or social interactions.

Hillary Ammon, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Center For Anxiety & Women’s Emotional Wellness, emphasizes that while the instinct to protect children from distress is understandable, enabling avoidance can ultimately intensify their fears.

Instead, Milaniak advises parents to nurture bravery skills in anxious children by gently encouraging them to face their fears. This involves setting clear expectations and providing support while maintaining firm boundaries. It’s important to remain composed and reassure the child that their emotions are valid but that they also need to take responsibility for their actions.

Milaniak underscores the importance of implementing consequences for inappropriate behavior, such as throwing objects or hitting others. By holding children accountable for their actions, parents can help them learn to manage their emotions more effectively.

Highlight the good stuff, too

Managing a child with anxiety can be overwhelming, but healthcare professionals emphasize the importance of acknowledging and praising your child’s successes. Thea Gallagher stresses the need to highlight positive moments and accomplishments rather than solely focusing on areas of difficulty.

Tyanna Snider echoes this sentiment, emphasizing the significance of regular parental encouragement and recognition of achievements. She suggests incorporating open-ended questions into daily routines, such as discussing the best and worst parts of the day during meal times or car rides, as a way to foster communication and emotional expression.

Overall, Snider advises parents to recognize their efforts and reassure themselves that they are doing their best, especially during moments of stress and uncertainty. Despite the challenges, it’s important to maintain a positive outlook and affirm one’s role as a caring and capable parent.